Friday, November 27, 2009

"Trust Your Intuition, the Universe is Guiding your Life"

The subject of this post is a fortune I received in a fortune cookie many years ago now. And I have always really loved it.

Well, it certainly has been a long while, and I apologize for that. To myself mostly, as I am certain I am the only one who has noticed. I didn't stop recognizing the guidance, love, support, and creativity around me...I just stopped documenting it. I actually did do it a little while longer in my notebook and not on this blog. Not that any of that matters now. So here we are...many months later, and I would like to begin again. It seems that noticing the love, support, and creativity in my world always seems a bit easier than recognizing the guidance. So I thought this return-post would best be used to recognize as much of the huge guiding moments I have had the privilege of receiving thus far in life. Not to discount any of the smaller guiding moments, as I am grateful for them all...but I could really use a bigger one lately and they always seemed to come so easily just when I needed them in the past.

My very first undeniable experience of absolute and magical guidance was receiving the opportunity to perform on a cruise ship for the first time. After some prior thoughts about how fun that would be a few months earlier, and with the intention to eventually put an audition video together...I had almost forgotten about it. Then one day, returning from a non-performing job that had just fallen through much earlier than anticipated, I walked in the door with my bags still packed to a voicemail from a guy looking for funny woman for a ship. Being from a city with three rivers and many river boat cruises, I imagined he was referring to one of those. Much to my surprise, I had been recommended by a former classmate to work on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship!!! At the time, all I had really done as a performer was sing. This wasn't a job for a was a job doing interactive and improv comedy, walking on stilts, clowning around. After I put together a last minute audition tape with my brother's help I got the call that I was hired and less than two weeks later I was sitting in my hotel room in Miami about to board my cruise ship the next morning! This was my single-most magical moment in my adult life thus far. It affirmed my aspirations as a professional performer as well as challenged my idea of my own capabilities beyond just singing. I did two contracts in this role and got myself a contract as a singer as well. This job was the absolute best job of my life, in enjoyment, growth, and pay!

I had that experience before I knew anything at all about how the Universe works. I have never been all that religious but this was an experience that made it impossible to deny that someone or something else is at play in this world. I knew in that moment that I was being supported by something magical. Within the next few years I began to learn a bit more about what that might be, but I wouldn't gain full understanding of it for many more years.

I think that experienced deserved a full description, but for the sake of time and anyone who may actually read this outside of myself, I will just list the rest of my guiding moments without so many details!

- My move to NYC, even after initial friends/roommmates deserted their plans was quite easy. I did some searching for strangers to live with, because I was GOING to still move. On a bizarre/magical evening I ran into an old friend who connected me with someone who knew someone looking for a roommate. All the pieces fit together and I was in NY a month later.

Upon living here in NYC, not a whole lot has really been "easy"...but, then again, no one moves to NYC to have it easy. We are all semi-masochists. We move here for the challenge. Some move within a year or two. Some of us are just sicker than others. But as difficult as it is, those magical guiding moments and achievements pack an even bigger punch.

- My job at a fantastic off-Broadway theatre's box office through a friend from college.
- The close friends that I have connected with here over these many years.
- The talks in that box office that led to my discovery of LOA things long before and much more interesting than "The Secret".
- The connection of my new roommates when the time became necessary to find them and a new place.
- Finding our perfect apartment and having many incredible experiences in it.
- Getting cast in my favorite show and finding continued guidance through the lyrics and experience of being a part of it when I did.
- Every show I have ever been fortunate enough to be a part of even the wonky ones!
- Having that director seek me out for one of my dream roles even though I somehow had an entirely wrong phone number printed on my resume.
- Working at a theatre that continued to use me for incredible roles/shows for the next 4 summers.
- The work at another theatre that came from the theatre mentioned before.
- The job I took that took me away from the box office which, while it seemed limiting at times, provided me with several things I needed when I needed them along with an awesome job to return to a year later on a part-time basis.
- Singing with the bands I had the chance to sing with, never having previously imagined myself performing in those genres/bars.
- Finding my last relationship exactly when I NEEDED it for many reasons in my world after a very specific request to the Universe.
- During a time when I wasn't sure whether to move back home or stay in NYC based on my mom's health situation, finding a very clear answer for the moment in getting cast without auditioning at a theatre I had previously worked at. Having the chance to do an amazing role and sing one of my favorite songs in one of the most NYC shows of all time.
- Meeting an incredible new friend and confidante at my recent full-time job.
- Having the opportunity to accept benefits just when I needed them for some dental and medical issues.
- I am still figuring out some of the reasons I held that full-time job for the past year (nearly) before getting let go.
- Getting let go from that job, even though I could have used it financially for a bit longer has always felt like it was the right thing to happen...though I am still in the midst of understanding exactly why.

So I am back.

I welcome and recognize any and all guidance, love, support, and creativity from everyone and everything that surrounds me.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

It is always there, I just have to keep recognizing it!

I am so sorry I haven't been posting. Time has just gotten away from me lately! I certainly have still been keeping track of the way the Universe is revealing any and all forms of Love, Guidance, Support, and Creativity to me though. I have tried to continue to jot them down in my lil' notebook so that I don't forget! So...these are not really in any particular order goes.

My trip home for mom was really great and included all of the above, but it feels great to acknowledge that again on here.

Oh...I think there was some terrific creativity involved with the evening out I had just before I left. I saw some people I had gone to high school with and one of them definitely said and did a lot of things he shouldn't have...but I am SOOOOOO glad he did. It was high comedy at it's best. VERY creative, Universe!!

My train trip back to my own home was really fun and FULL of creativity! I finished outlining some stories to link all my songs together for my show. I even got a really great start on a children's story I have been meaning to write for a while now (about something that happened from my own childhood).

My first day back in the city was ultra-supportive. I found out that my job did NOT cut my pay for my time off with my mom!!!!! I had been worried about it but it felt SOOOOO good to come home to that news! I love my lunch-buddy friend...always having someone who wants to meet for lunch...that I actually love to spend time with. It feels good. THEN...after work I had a meeting with my director for my cabaret. First of all, it was just great to see his face. I adore him and it has been so long. So, I felt the love there! Meeting with him to discuss my ideas for the show was so supportive...and already I can feel his guidance being the key to all of this coming together. He definitely already has some great creative ideas to start off with and really supported what I had to start off with! I am so excited....and this actually feels so real now!!

Hmm...what else was there? I felt some guidance when I looked at some old photo albums of my mom when she had me.....just noting how freaking YOUNG she looked, and she was a few years older than I am now! I felt that was a good indication of really appreciating who I am right now...and treasuring it, as I am still quite young in comparison to how old I may end up! Also...once again just really putting in perspective how far I am from a husband/family and how quickly that can all change.

I loved the creativity I saw on S.Y.T.Y.C.Dance! I LOVE that show and can't wait for the real competition to begin!!

I had a really great time at my job this weekend hosting for a casting director here. Hearing some of his advice to the people who took part was great guidance. He is always so sweet to me and even if it is only mild...that is a form of love and support!

I get constant support from the Universe in the form of people who don't know me at all knowing the second they see me that I am obviously a performer. People are so complimentary to me about my hair and go out of their way to say things. I am truly grateful for people's attention in this way as it makes me feel great.

I had a fantastic audition this weekend as well with someone who has got to be my #1 fan! I wish all of my auditions went this well!! I barely had to do a thing and I, evidently, blew him away. He was so vocal and supportive. It is random..but OH so refreshing!!! I appreciate the creativity I was able to utilize when learning a monologue on the spot to read for them and somehow really getting it right (though I could do no wrong in his mind!)

I love when mom found the silly note I left her with...I felt so much love and creativity writing it...and it felt great to hear how it made her feel and hear her voice reading it back to me on the phone!!

ok...just got off the phone with mom again...more love, guidance, and support there, as always!!!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

No Guidance Counselor Required

Well, I hope that my absence from this actual space hasn't led you to believe that I have shirked my intention of recognizing that which is most important to me lately and then documenting it. I have had a hard time getting my observations onto this blog, but I have still been accountable to the trusty lil' notebook I keep near my bed to jot down the random doo-dads I can recall from my dreams.

So yes, yes there has been absolutely OODLES of LOVE all around me. I am hangin' with my mother right that is just a given. I always feel so supported and loved by her and am doing everything I can right now to return all of that and more as I help her this week.

I have also heard from my best friend a few times this week, either by phone or online. Love was present as I had some of my first delicious foods since having my wisdom teeth out 2 weeks ago! Sausage and pancakes, a delicious burger...chinese food...frozen custard! I may not have been eating healthy...but I loved what I ate! I accompanied my mother to her checkup after her surgery and could hear nothing but love as she spoke to the surgeon about her work as a physician's assistant. I recognized how he supported her by asking her questions so she could continue to enjoy sharing her successes. I honestly love how amazing my mother is in general, but definitely for achieving what made her most happy!

I had taken a walk around my block here, in the neighborhood I grew up in. I can't help but love the way it felt to breathe in the familiar air here. I loved how every rock on the street and bend in the road tickled my memories of my childhood. I enjoyed creativity in the architecture of the houses, and the landscapes of the lawns. It's hard to deny the creativity inherent in nature on it's own. At once both highly complex yet simple, nature is the epitome of creativity. I appreciated the support my body gave me as I strolled the hills it wasn't used to anymore. And the familiarity of the road guided me all the way back home.

These are just a few of my observations this week (I am too lazy right now to get that notebook upstairs!). The one thing I have noticed is a teeny bit harder for me to recognize is guidance. Not that I am without some entirely, mind you. It's just been more of a stretch to find. I enjoyed my mother offering her advice to a troubling situation I have, which is definitely guidance. I am receiving information online from my favorite coach that is directly connected to questions I had for her this week. So it is there...but I am in need of opening my eyes even more to it!

And so, I shall!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Guidance, Love, Security, and Creativity are truly all around!

Guidance, Love, Support, and Creativity

Well I am not even done with my full day here yet, and I am just bursting with excitement to document all the ways I have seen Guidance, Love, Support, and Creativity revealed to me in everyone and everything I have done today.

I found it in myself to find support for my mother today as I accompanied her to the dentist. The staff there was sweet and caring, and I suppose I was supporting my mother in general just by helping her there. But it was on our way out a woman went out of her way to compliment me on the color of my hair. I definitely think that was a combination of love and support that she didn't need to go out of her way to do, but she did.

Then we enjoyed some lunch at a restaurant my mom visits often and I got to meet one of the sweet servers who my mom always raves about there. Watching them interact, the love and support was absolutely undeniable.

Just moments after I wrote this post last night, I found info that directed me to the TED Talks that I mentioned in my first post. I could not stop watching different videos on there and many were so insightful to the depression I was feeling. They revealed some perspective for me about why I might be feeling so unhappy in regards to the downfall of having too many choices. The other talk focused on how we actually can manufacture our own happiness, even in the face of adversity or negative circumstances, and how that synthetic happiness is just as valuable as "real" happiness. If this wasn't all guidance, I don't know what is.

As far as creativity...I was doing my doodles all throughout watching these talks. I had received a call about a day ago that I returned today about a possible performing project I am being considered for. When I got to check out a little more about it and speak with the creator, I couldn't help but feel good. He was impressed with some of what I have done and the roles I have performed and I am excited to meet with them.

It didn't hurt that Oprah had a show on today about everyday heros who are helping people out in these hard times. I think it is in the next issue of People Magazine actually. Anyway, these stories were nothing BUT delicious examples of normal indiviuals, without tons of money who found ways to help people in need with resources they already had, or could get with a little creativity. It goes without saying that this demonstrated Love and Support!

We are off to a great start!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Let's do this.

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Well, I have hit a pinnacle moment for myself I think. And because I think it, I have. I have been feeling rather lost as of late. I hit a point of sadness tonight in which I, once again asked for Universe, and any and all of my possible guardian angels known and unknown for guidance. Guidance in general, but also guidance to love, creativity and support from everyone and everything that surrounds me at all times. But along with my asking for and welcoming this into my life, I know I have to set the intention to see that guidance, love, creativity, and support in everything I do and in everyone I meet. I want to have a place to remain accountable to that intention, and so I will come here, if only for myself, should no one else ever read this!

Well, just a short time after deciding this, I happened on some TED talks that absolutely have shifted my perspective, and I am certainly not going to miss an opportunity to notice this bit of guidance out of my recent low. I think I have fallen victim to having entirely too many choices myself, and becoming depressed as a result. Have you?

and what is "synthetic happiness"?