Sunday, May 31, 2009

It is always there, I just have to keep recognizing it!

I am so sorry I haven't been posting. Time has just gotten away from me lately! I certainly have still been keeping track of the way the Universe is revealing any and all forms of Love, Guidance, Support, and Creativity to me though. I have tried to continue to jot them down in my lil' notebook so that I don't forget! So...these are not really in any particular order goes.

My trip home for mom was really great and included all of the above, but it feels great to acknowledge that again on here.

Oh...I think there was some terrific creativity involved with the evening out I had just before I left. I saw some people I had gone to high school with and one of them definitely said and did a lot of things he shouldn't have...but I am SOOOOOO glad he did. It was high comedy at it's best. VERY creative, Universe!!

My train trip back to my own home was really fun and FULL of creativity! I finished outlining some stories to link all my songs together for my show. I even got a really great start on a children's story I have been meaning to write for a while now (about something that happened from my own childhood).

My first day back in the city was ultra-supportive. I found out that my job did NOT cut my pay for my time off with my mom!!!!! I had been worried about it but it felt SOOOOO good to come home to that news! I love my lunch-buddy friend...always having someone who wants to meet for lunch...that I actually love to spend time with. It feels good. THEN...after work I had a meeting with my director for my cabaret. First of all, it was just great to see his face. I adore him and it has been so long. So, I felt the love there! Meeting with him to discuss my ideas for the show was so supportive...and already I can feel his guidance being the key to all of this coming together. He definitely already has some great creative ideas to start off with and really supported what I had to start off with! I am so excited....and this actually feels so real now!!

Hmm...what else was there? I felt some guidance when I looked at some old photo albums of my mom when she had me.....just noting how freaking YOUNG she looked, and she was a few years older than I am now! I felt that was a good indication of really appreciating who I am right now...and treasuring it, as I am still quite young in comparison to how old I may end up! Also...once again just really putting in perspective how far I am from a husband/family and how quickly that can all change.

I loved the creativity I saw on S.Y.T.Y.C.Dance! I LOVE that show and can't wait for the real competition to begin!!

I had a really great time at my job this weekend hosting for a casting director here. Hearing some of his advice to the people who took part was great guidance. He is always so sweet to me and even if it is only mild...that is a form of love and support!

I get constant support from the Universe in the form of people who don't know me at all knowing the second they see me that I am obviously a performer. People are so complimentary to me about my hair and go out of their way to say things. I am truly grateful for people's attention in this way as it makes me feel great.

I had a fantastic audition this weekend as well with someone who has got to be my #1 fan! I wish all of my auditions went this well!! I barely had to do a thing and I, evidently, blew him away. He was so vocal and supportive. It is random..but OH so refreshing!!! I appreciate the creativity I was able to utilize when learning a monologue on the spot to read for them and somehow really getting it right (though I could do no wrong in his mind!)

I love when mom found the silly note I left her with...I felt so much love and creativity writing it...and it felt great to hear how it made her feel and hear her voice reading it back to me on the phone!!

ok...just got off the phone with mom again...more love, guidance, and support there, as always!!!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

No Guidance Counselor Required

Well, I hope that my absence from this actual space hasn't led you to believe that I have shirked my intention of recognizing that which is most important to me lately and then documenting it. I have had a hard time getting my observations onto this blog, but I have still been accountable to the trusty lil' notebook I keep near my bed to jot down the random doo-dads I can recall from my dreams.

So yes, yes there has been absolutely OODLES of LOVE all around me. I am hangin' with my mother right that is just a given. I always feel so supported and loved by her and am doing everything I can right now to return all of that and more as I help her this week.

I have also heard from my best friend a few times this week, either by phone or online. Love was present as I had some of my first delicious foods since having my wisdom teeth out 2 weeks ago! Sausage and pancakes, a delicious burger...chinese food...frozen custard! I may not have been eating healthy...but I loved what I ate! I accompanied my mother to her checkup after her surgery and could hear nothing but love as she spoke to the surgeon about her work as a physician's assistant. I recognized how he supported her by asking her questions so she could continue to enjoy sharing her successes. I honestly love how amazing my mother is in general, but definitely for achieving what made her most happy!

I had taken a walk around my block here, in the neighborhood I grew up in. I can't help but love the way it felt to breathe in the familiar air here. I loved how every rock on the street and bend in the road tickled my memories of my childhood. I enjoyed creativity in the architecture of the houses, and the landscapes of the lawns. It's hard to deny the creativity inherent in nature on it's own. At once both highly complex yet simple, nature is the epitome of creativity. I appreciated the support my body gave me as I strolled the hills it wasn't used to anymore. And the familiarity of the road guided me all the way back home.

These are just a few of my observations this week (I am too lazy right now to get that notebook upstairs!). The one thing I have noticed is a teeny bit harder for me to recognize is guidance. Not that I am without some entirely, mind you. It's just been more of a stretch to find. I enjoyed my mother offering her advice to a troubling situation I have, which is definitely guidance. I am receiving information online from my favorite coach that is directly connected to questions I had for her this week. So it is there...but I am in need of opening my eyes even more to it!

And so, I shall!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Guidance, Love, Security, and Creativity are truly all around!

Guidance, Love, Support, and Creativity

Well I am not even done with my full day here yet, and I am just bursting with excitement to document all the ways I have seen Guidance, Love, Support, and Creativity revealed to me in everyone and everything I have done today.

I found it in myself to find support for my mother today as I accompanied her to the dentist. The staff there was sweet and caring, and I suppose I was supporting my mother in general just by helping her there. But it was on our way out a woman went out of her way to compliment me on the color of my hair. I definitely think that was a combination of love and support that she didn't need to go out of her way to do, but she did.

Then we enjoyed some lunch at a restaurant my mom visits often and I got to meet one of the sweet servers who my mom always raves about there. Watching them interact, the love and support was absolutely undeniable.

Just moments after I wrote this post last night, I found info that directed me to the TED Talks that I mentioned in my first post. I could not stop watching different videos on there and many were so insightful to the depression I was feeling. They revealed some perspective for me about why I might be feeling so unhappy in regards to the downfall of having too many choices. The other talk focused on how we actually can manufacture our own happiness, even in the face of adversity or negative circumstances, and how that synthetic happiness is just as valuable as "real" happiness. If this wasn't all guidance, I don't know what is.

As far as creativity...I was doing my doodles all throughout watching these talks. I had received a call about a day ago that I returned today about a possible performing project I am being considered for. When I got to check out a little more about it and speak with the creator, I couldn't help but feel good. He was impressed with some of what I have done and the roles I have performed and I am excited to meet with them.

It didn't hurt that Oprah had a show on today about everyday heros who are helping people out in these hard times. I think it is in the next issue of People Magazine actually. Anyway, these stories were nothing BUT delicious examples of normal indiviuals, without tons of money who found ways to help people in need with resources they already had, or could get with a little creativity. It goes without saying that this demonstrated Love and Support!

We are off to a great start!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Let's do this.

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Well, I have hit a pinnacle moment for myself I think. And because I think it, I have. I have been feeling rather lost as of late. I hit a point of sadness tonight in which I, once again asked for Universe, and any and all of my possible guardian angels known and unknown for guidance. Guidance in general, but also guidance to love, creativity and support from everyone and everything that surrounds me at all times. But along with my asking for and welcoming this into my life, I know I have to set the intention to see that guidance, love, creativity, and support in everything I do and in everyone I meet. I want to have a place to remain accountable to that intention, and so I will come here, if only for myself, should no one else ever read this!

Well, just a short time after deciding this, I happened on some TED talks that absolutely have shifted my perspective, and I am certainly not going to miss an opportunity to notice this bit of guidance out of my recent low. I think I have fallen victim to having entirely too many choices myself, and becoming depressed as a result. Have you?

and what is "synthetic happiness"?