"So...what are you working on?"

If you are creative or artistic in any sense of the word, you have probably experienced the frustration of the knowledge that you DO have something MAGNIFICENT to share with the world combined with the incapacitation of perfectionism/procrastination (and yes, they are sometimes one and the same!).

I have many creative aspirations and often find myself overwhelmed by them. I am overwhelmed because there are so many different directions I can feel drawn to, but also because I have this sense of perfectionism. I don't want to do something unless it is going to be absolutely perfect (to my often impossible standards) and the most UNIQUE thing that has ever been created. If I do not have the time, energy, or inspiration to produce this product I refuse to even begin. While I embrace and am grateful for that perfectionism in regards to creating things I am proud of, I have learned recently that this is sometimes just another way of procrastinating what I am capable of. I am learning that there is something much more admirable in those who create for the sake of creating rather than the sake of being considered "brilliant". I have created some of the most amazing things from moments when I let go of that need to be the most "perfect/unique/brilliant" and just DID SOMETHING. This is a current goal of mine and I promise it has NOTHING to do with Nike but...

JUST DO IT!

But...sometimes we are entirely too hard on ourselves.

I had the pleasure of reading this blog post at Affirming Spirit many months ago and was so excited by the relief/inspiration it provided me. She could not recall the name of the artist/psychology major who had self-published a book about it.

Here are the breakdown of the four stages as Nancy recalled them:

1 | Gestation

This is the stage where things are quiet creatively, but you are feeling hopeful because you are noticing interesting experiences, gathering ideas, deciding what you want to work on next. This stage comes after the creator emerges from the Renewal/Rest stage.

2 | Inspiration

This is the stage where you find a new idea, or series of ideas, that really feels *exciting*. It might be a single idea, or one idea that quickly spawns many additional ideas. It may be something you observe outside of yourself or something that pops into your mind. The topic feels juicy and pregnant with potential. You begin whittling down the ideas collected to decide what you really want to focus upon.

3 | Creation/Birth

This is the stage where you begin taking action toward materializing the inspired idea, from start to finish. The creator’s energy is high, and they often feel full of life and vibrant. The work may take on a *life of it’s own*, possibly even going in a new direction not considered in the Gestation or Inspiration stage.

4 | Renewal/Rest

This is the stage creators enter upon completion of the Creation/Birth stage. Often, the creator has been focusing so intensely on the previous two stages, that this stage may feel like a comparative shock. New or inexperienced creators may find this stage comes relatively unexpectedly.

This can be a very critical stage for creators because most find themselves feeling low, possibly even feeling depressed, in comparison to the high-energy stages of Inspiration and Creation/Birth. Unprepared, doubt, worry and fear can easily creep in during this time, and in this low-energy stage, the creator begins questioning if they will ever do anything worthwhile again. They simply don’t have the energy to contemplate something new, and often feel defeated because of the low energy levels.

In extreme cases, a creator susceptible to addictions may retreat to drugs or alcohol to deal with the low energy, and/or soothe doubt, worry, and fear. However, if the creator is aware of these stages and knows *this one, too, shall pass*, they can embrace it and move through this stage relatively quickly~sometimes hours or days, versus months or years.

The creator knows they have left this stage when they find themselves entering the Gestation stage as they gently begin gathering more data and being intrigued by new ideas of theirs or other creators.


As a human being, I am a firm believer that we are constantly ebbing and flowing in SO SO SO many aspects of our emotions/world. Any woman knows how cycles affect our moods/over-all well-being. We are just lucky we have been given an explanation for it. Men just keep their insanity to themselves! With so many people on anti-depressants/anxiety medication I wonder if we all couldn't do with a little sit-down about our natural cycles. Everyone feels down sometimes. It is natural and part of the normal cycle of life. I realize there are extremes to this but for me, just KNOWING that these cycles exist and are so NORMAL helps me to feel better.

As an artist, I am even more relieved to read how NORMAL it is to feel so inspired at one stage, to productive in another, and then to just chill out and regroup afterwards. What a relief! I used to feel like such a schmuck when I wasn't "working on anything". As performers we are all so very familiar with this feeling. When making conversation, friends and new acquaintances like to inquire "So...what are you working on?". Sometimes they truly mean well, while others may be judging. I have always HATED this conversation. If I have nothing to say I feel like a loser and if I have something to talk about I feel pretentious mentioning it. What a RELIEF it is to know that we shouldn't ALWAYS be inspired to be DOING DOING DOING! There is a time and a place for it, of course, and if you find yourself stuck in the "Gestation" or "Inspiration" phases for too long (which is different for everyone) perhaps you can give yourself a kick in the arse but just to know that each of these phases are legitimate and necessary to the final product...ESPECIALLY the "Renewal/Rest" stage makes me feel so much better!

As performer who often relies on other people to cast me in order to "allow" me to create amidst "their" show, I imagine these cycles can be a bit more difficult to manage. All us theatre-folk know the depression that follows closing a show. On top of the loss of such magical quality-time with an incredible new group of friends paired with creating something as a performer we must then return to the "what next?" feeling. As performers in NYC we are encouraged to just keep getting out there and auditioning. Sometimes you need to regroup. You need to be able to regroup without feeling like you are lazy. Resting/Renewal is a crucial part to our art as well! I feel like artists in other formats may have a little more control over which part of the cycle they are on whereas performers spend SO much time in the "Gestation" and "Inspiration" cycles while often having to keep putting themselves out there over and over again until someone "allows" them to be in the "Creation/Birth" cycle. No doubt our cycles are naturally continuing regardless - thus causing an overall feeling of unease when some of them don't come to tangible fruition! Oh right...and then we have to work "day-jobs" on top of this! Oye.

Do you feel better knowing that these cycles exist and are perfectly normal? Can you let yourself off the hook and just enjoy your "Resting/Renewal" phase? I would love to know your thoughts!

No Guidance Counselor Required

Well, I hope that my absence from this actual space hasn't led you to believe that I have shirked my intention of recognizing that which is most important to me lately and then documenting it. I have had a hard time getting my observations onto this blog, but I have still been accountable to the trusty lil' notebook I keep near my bed to jot down the random doo-dads I can recall from my dreams.

So yes, yes there has been absolutely OODLES of LOVE all around me. I am hangin' with my mother right now...so that is just a given. I always feel so supported and loved by her and am doing everything I can right now to return all of that and more as I help her this week.

I have also heard from my best friend a few times this week, either by phone or online. Love was present as I had some of my first delicious foods since having my wisdom teeth out 2 weeks ago! Sausage and pancakes, a delicious burger...chinese food...frozen custard! I may not have been eating healthy...but I loved what I ate! I accompanied my mother to her checkup after her surgery and could hear nothing but love as she spoke to the surgeon about her work as a physician's assistant. I recognized how he supported her by asking her questions so she could continue to enjoy sharing her successes. I honestly love how amazing my mother is in general, but definitely for achieving what made her most happy!

I had taken a walk around my block here, in the neighborhood I grew up in. I can't help but love the way it felt to breathe in the familiar air here. I loved how every rock on the street and bend in the road tickled my memories of my childhood. I enjoyed creativity in the architecture of the houses, and the landscapes of the lawns. It's hard to deny the creativity inherent in nature on it's own. At once both highly complex yet simple, nature is the epitome of creativity. I appreciated the support my body gave me as I strolled the hills it wasn't used to anymore. And the familiarity of the road guided me all the way back home.


These are just a few of my observations this week (I am too lazy right now to get that notebook upstairs!). The one thing I have noticed is a teeny bit harder for me to recognize is guidance. Not that I am without some entirely, mind you. It's just been more of a stretch to find. I enjoyed my mother offering her advice to a troubling situation I have, which is definitely guidance. I am receiving information online from my favorite coach that is directly connected to questions I had for her this week. So it is there...but I am in need of opening my eyes even more to it!


And so, I shall!

Guidance, Love, Security, and Creativity are truly all around!

Guidance, Love, Support, and Creativity

Well I am not even done with my full day here yet, and I am just bursting with excitement to document all the ways I have seen Guidance, Love, Support, and Creativity revealed to me in everyone and everything I have done today.

I found it in myself to find support for my mother today as I accompanied her to the dentist. The staff there was sweet and caring, and I suppose I was supporting my mother in general just by helping her there. But it was on our way out a woman went out of her way to compliment me on the color of my hair. I definitely think that was a combination of love and support that she didn't need to go out of her way to do, but she did.

Then we enjoyed some lunch at a restaurant my mom visits often and I got to meet one of the sweet servers who my mom always raves about there. Watching them interact, the love and support was absolutely undeniable.

Just moments after I wrote this post last night, I found info that directed me to the TED Talks that I mentioned in my first post. I could not stop watching different videos on there and many were so insightful to the depression I was feeling. They revealed some perspective for me about why I might be feeling so unhappy in regards to the downfall of having too many choices. The other talk focused on how we actually can manufacture our own happiness, even in the face of adversity or negative circumstances, and how that synthetic happiness is just as valuable as "real" happiness. If this wasn't all guidance, I don't know what is.

As far as creativity...I was doing my doodles all throughout watching these talks. I had received a call about a day ago that I returned today about a possible performing project I am being considered for. When I got to check out a little more about it and speak with the creator, I couldn't help but feel good. He was impressed with some of what I have done and the roles I have performed and I am excited to meet with them.

It didn't hurt that Oprah had a show on today about everyday heros who are helping people out in these hard times. I think it is in the next issue of People Magazine actually. Anyway, these stories were nothing BUT delicious examples of normal indiviuals, without tons of money who found ways to help people in need with resources they already had, or could get with a little creativity. It goes without saying that this demonstrated Love and Support!

We are off to a great start!