Thursday, February 25, 2010


I have heard so many people discuss their experience of having been unlucky in the area of relationships for a lot of their lives until the moment they finally decided to learn how to feel absolutely awesome with the possibility that they may spend the rest of their life alone. At this point, "POOF!", in walked love. This has been something that has been on my mind lately, but not only in terms of relationships. Up to this point in my life, relationships have seemed to elude me as well, so of course this topic intrigues me. I am most interested in it, however, in regards to anything any of us truly desire that seems to be eluding us. This same story can be said for the person who finally threw in the towel with "making it" as a performer and as soon as they took that day job, "POOF!", they got their big break. It can be said for the couple who desperately wants to have a baby who try every method they can spend their time, money, and energy on only to finally adopt and, "POOF!", become pregnant. Our world is littered with stories of people who are struggling to live their dreams being led to believe that it's because they "want it too much". Somehow, deep within the core of our passion is a fine line we seem to be on the wrong side of called need. No one provides a map to this troubled territory. GPS technology doesn't work there yet. You can send a text for help, but once you are in there it seems you've just got to figure it out for yourself.

So I get that this fine line is really the point where pure and authentic love meets fear and doubt. I understand how those of us operating from a place of need are more apt to push that which we want the most just out of reach. I understand that it is in the moment of need that we are believing that we don't have enough money, we are not yet where we wish to be, who we wish to be, or not yet in love. We are believing that we are not good enough, not talented enough, not lovable, not valued, not secure. I understand that, when we stand on the wrong side of that fuzzy line, it is the focus we put on these thoughts that create in our experience exactly those things. We create experiences in which we come close to what we want only to come up short. We create experiences in which our friends and colleagues whom we love and respect get to be, do, have exactly what we want. We see other people living our dreams all around us and it hurts. It hurts because we want to be happy for them, and we are, but somehow this also makes us horribly unhappy and jealous. I am never proud of myself when I feel this way but I am starting to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel about it. No, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with just one toe on the side of passion and the rest of my heavy and bitter self chillin' on the "other" side. But yes, I am grateful I am being given such a STRONG and undeniable emotion. This is an opportunity to examine my limiting beliefs and change them. It is that simple, though for some reason it never feels that way.

As I focus my thoughts in that direction, I have some questions. I will use the example of love that I began with, since it has been a hot topic amongst friends recently and is obviously something I'd like as well. We know that all this LOA stuff isn't about just sitting on your butt and wishing things into existence without any action. We also know, thanks to Jeannette, that unless this action is inspired (you are just doing it because you think you "have to") it probably isn't going to get you where you want to be and you may feel like crap. So you've reached that moment in your search for love where you want to accept and embrace the possibility of being alone for good. You realize how helpful this will be whether you find someone or not. You are ready. When I imagine myself doing this, I get a little perplexed. I have always had a profile up on a free dating site online. It keeps me entertained from time to time and gives me that little boost when nothing else is happening. I rarely seem to meet people in the "real world" and every so often...this is my only means to having a date at all! Often though, I am truly not looking. I am not even interested in the replies I am getting on there and wonder if keeping my profile up is still some way of saying "I'm still searching...I'm still searching!". So I am often tempted to sign off of it for a while. Does that mean I am no longer open to all possibilities? How do I still remain open without "searching"? I am finding myself thinking about dating people I never would have imagined taking a chance with when I was younger. Generally my intuition is pretty rockin', so this doesn't always turn out that well. I am doing it, though, because I am trying to remain open. What if I am missing out on some incredible lovin' just because he isn't really "my type", and didn't immediately get my hormones goin'? Is this me being open and allowing for all possibilities? Or is this not trusting that I can find someone who truly IS all of those things and more who will also be interested in me?

Whether we are focused on a career goal, a love relationship, a new living situation, or anything else we desire, there are some fuzzy fine lines I can't seem to figure out.

1. How do you step fully over to the side of passion instead of need, when you almost can't tell them apart?
2. How do you stay focused on your exact passion/dream, in all it's exquisite and specific detail, while remaining open to receiving what you need in the form of something close to what you have always desired that doesn't quite look the same? At what point are you settling for something less than you deserve?

I guess what I'm saying is....I want my "POOF!"!!

Please let me hear what you think about this. I would be so grateful for your perspective!